they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
