my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bring money and cleavage
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
