We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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