Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dear god my vagina.
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