remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
40s are totally the cure
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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