roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
