He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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