A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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