he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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