You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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