I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
