We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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