If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i now understand why vodka
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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