i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Come on in and take your pants off
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