Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
