I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
