Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
