a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
