either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
