can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
