We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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