We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
