So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
