I want to have your abortion
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
