You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
