I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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