ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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