Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
