this boner is exhausting
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
