It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
