i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
