I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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