That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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