My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
do nipples grow back?
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