is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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