i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
