I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
