Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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