Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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