I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
