Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
