Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
