Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
