you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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