There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
