he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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