you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
