i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
