oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
