so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
