i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
