i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
