Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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